So my Nana's House is currently buzzing with Aunts bickering, my brother telling people with pride that he's eating Turkey Testicles, and my Nana has absolutely no clue what's going on (about anything).
I was planning on spending the day reading on their couch, but I have turned to the internet for Tetris, adding Amendments to my Christmas List, and blogging.
I feel like Thanksgiving has always been the hardest holiday for me. I always get sick from eating too much, my Mom goes home angry that she had to deal with my arguing aunts, and my brother is usually on a sugar high. My mom and I didn't even want to go to my Nana's house this year, but my dad won by saying that it may be his mother's 'Last Thanksgiving'. This woman is going to outlive us all.
But it's not just the stomachaches and annoying family members, it's my inability to make conversation and actually show my thanks to the rest of my family. Christmas is probably even worse in that aspect, because I am the worst present receiver on the planet. But having an unrepresentable thanks for everyone just makes me uncomfortable. Someone saying that they love me in passing or talking about how lucky we all are to be together makes me uncomfortable. I have an inability to show others how I feel, like if I feel if I want to cry I shut down completely. My Mom and I have fights over it often, and being around a bunch of such overpowering personalities today is just pushing me into the corner.
But why should being myself be so hard? Surely it's not that way for everyone, putting yourself on display seems just so easy for others I know. But sitting around a table nibbling on a roll seems like a social limit for me.
They just called dinner. Wish me luck.
2 comments:
This is a nicely written piece that would turn into a good bit of writing.
Are you familiar with David Sedaris?
I know of him, if that counts. But the wonders of Wikipedia says that his style is autobiographical and self-deprecating, which is pretty much my favorite style of writing. Why?
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