Well, that exercise we did today was interesting to say the least. For those of you who weren't there, we spent ninth period doing abstract charcoal drawings and every so often having others analyze the emotions expressed. First of all, I'd never worked with charcoal before and I immediately fell in love with the medium. But that's probably the most superficial thing I got out of the exercise.
The first drawing I did was described as 'sassy and angry', which I wasn't expecting but can't help but laugh about. I usually try not to use the word 'sassy', just because I feel like it's lost a lot of meaning in the public vernacular, but I suppose in it's true form I could be described as such. And, well, I know I can sometimes be described as angry, but I feel like in those times I am much more extroverted than is the norm for me. And I enjoy the feeling of extroversion, no matter how temporary, so while it might sound strange, I find myself to get a strange rush of pleasure when I get passionately angry about something. So, overall, hearing sassy and angry as a description of my piece and then as a description of me was some form of gratification that I haven't exactly figured out yet.
The second drawing I did started out as someone I have an issue with. The thing is, the reason I have an issue with this person is because, while we are very similar, these similarities are ones that I am not proud of and they seem to almost flaunt. So, I think that says something in itself about the nature of what I was doing. But, by the time mine was being discussed, it had turned a bit from the person I was angry at to the anger I felt and still feel towards our similarities. That turned into an anger and dissatisfaction with myself.
When I changed the orientation of what I was doing 180 degrees, suddenly I found myself in a different part of the piece. I was no longer the ball on the inside or the shading casting itself down upon it, but the lines surrounding it. I think that when we changed the orientation, it was supposed to become a more positive experience and lend a rebirth to the piece and the artist themself. That's not what happened for me. When I became this new part, the entire thing took a darker turn. Without consciously realizing it, I was drawing myself as a shield to the ball of energy in the middle. Looking back at the piece now compared to how I went about building it, I was letting myself do what felt right without questioning it. When I started rubbing in this mild darkness that slowly became think black lines near the edges, I was doing it because of what and how I felt about the lines and the balls and energy I associated with it. It felt right. Now that I've spent time looking at it, I can see a lot of deeper meaning than what I realized I was doing as I went about making it. It's much more personal now. When I was making it, I felt fine with showing it, but now I feel so exposed by it. I think that exposing feeling is what makes me want to keep it though.
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