My final product is a jumbled yet coherent bundle of me. Scratch that, it's probably most coherent to me. But to put out good work, I'm going to need to start being aware of my issues or else I'm not actively writing something, I'd just be running blind.
Last year, I started scratching the surface of my artistic issues, and Guilt is a big thing. As I was writing this, I realized how really deep these issues truly lie. To be honest, I don't scrutinize things as much as I probably should. I say I like something based on first instinct rather than with facts that back it up. Now I'm learning why I like things and why I do things and why I learn things the way that I do and it's much more interesting than I thought it would be.
I like a majority of the music I like because of complex lyrics. About two to three years ago, I wanted to be a lyricist. I also feel like the music I listen to deeply impacts my writing, it's style, and my tone of voice. Not only that, it inspires a lot of it as well. While feeling and writing this project (in that order) I was constantly listening to the mixtapes I've made for people (I'm a personal gift type of person) in the last few months coupled with some of the stuff I've recently discovered. I've mentioned a couple of the pieces in my last few blog posts, and I think they really show who I am as a person while my monologue shows quite a bit of what the songs are and so on and so forth. In the same token, Poetry and Slam Poetry in General have really influenced this as well. Sierra DeMulder is my personal favorite poet and slam poet, and I've recently discovered Richard Siken, whose book 'Crush' won the 2004 Yale Younger Poets Prize is absolutely stunning and I need to own a copy pronto. I've also gotten into Emily Dickinson this summer (this could be construed as lame and generic) and during an hour and a half wait at this place where they take blood which could be considered the equivalent of swimming under Satan's tongue, absorbing his putrid breath, I started reading aloud a bunch of Dickinson works in the corner. Sitting on the floor. Half of my body under a fake plant. This has now travelled into some strange territory. What I mean to say, is that these little quirky things I do make me who I am and make my works what they are and make me cranky on tuesdays.
And I love that. I love that I'm becoming myself.
So whatever you may take from my 'little thing' tomorrow, please realize that all I want you to know is that I'm still finding myself and what that even means anymore when everything and everyone is so clean cut and sanitary and freaking annoying.
3 comments:
"I say I like something based on first instinct rather than with facts that back it up."
I just recently finished a book called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, and that is exactly what his book talks about.
Why do people make snap decisions? What makes us like or dislike something within the first few seconds?
I suggest you read it not only because it's a fantastic book and Gladwell is a fantastic writer, but because it might give you some insight.
I love how you're finding yourself and becoming the person you love. So many people nowadays are trying to morph themselves into creatures they are not, and it's simply sickening. I mean, shouldn't one understand themselves better then anyone else?
I don't know where I'm going with this.
That book sounds like something I need in my life, it might be completely necessary, actually.
It's wonderful and completely worth your time. Read it.
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